Thursday, March 26, 2009

Twinkle twinkle
Little star,
Is my baby
Where you are?
Up above
The world so high,
Enjoying heaven,
As we cry?
Twinkle twinkle,
Please shine bright,
Give my boy,
A kiss tonight.

My Birth Story, Josua Dominic Nolan

... On March 3rd, 2009... at 12:10 AM, my water broke as I stood up to go to the bathroom after I was sitting on the computer chatting with friends. I called my husband at work, and told him my water had broke, and told him I was going to go take a shower and shave my legs while I was waiting for him to drive the 60 miles between him at work and where we are living with my parents. So I showered. When I got out I called the Labor and Delivery ward at Timpanogas hospital in Orem, and asked them if I should come in, even though I had not had any contractions. They told me to come in. My mom blow dried my hair while I waited. I just kept gushing and gushing amniotic fluid. I thought it would never end. I tried to eat something, but it wasn't something that I wanted to do (eat).

As we already had the baby bag and my bag packed for the hospital, Michael just grabbed some blankets, we got our Medical card and my camera bag, and got in the car. We stopped on our way to the hospital to buy some film, and then got to the hospital. They hooked me up to the machines to watch Josua's heart rate and my contractions rate. The contractions had started at about 1:15 AM, about 1 hour after my water broke. Unfortunately, my contractions were very erratic and inconsistent, so they decided to hook me up to Pitocin. I really did NOT want Pitocin, but I wasn't in the mood to fight with them. I was not happy with the first nurse Melody, who messed up twice when trying to put in the IV line. She wanted it in my upper arm, not in the back of my hand or in the crook of my elbow. And she made both sides of my left arm have exploded veins. Finally, she sent in another nurse named Debbie to do it in the right arm. Three bruises for one IV. I wasn't happy. But oh well. They got the IV in, and the Pitocin. I hate Pitocin, because it intensifies the contractions BADLY. I wanted my epidural then, but they wouldn't let me have it until all the fluids from the IV were in me.

Finally the IV was empty and they hooked up another one, and upped the drip of my Pitocin. When I had arrived, I was at a 3 cm. I had a few bad contractions right before the anaesthesiologist (sp?) came in, and they were not pleasant. Finally he got the epidural in. I hated that, it hurt, but I think it was better than going without one. It was interesting, because my legs went completely numb, and so did my body from the epidural site down, so they had to hold me up so I didn't fall over. They laid me down, and it was so nice because I didn't feel a thing of contractions from then on out. It was irritating that I couldn't move my legs, but at least I amused Michael and the nurses by occasionally celebrating the fact that I moved my right leg a quarter of an inch.

Michael called Amber, my best friend, and she said she would be there soon so that she could photograph Josua's birth. A little after that a nurse came in and checked my cervix. I was over 90% effaced, and she was able to stretch me to a 5 and a half. Michael called Terrilyn, my other best friend, and told her about what was going on. While we were waiting for Amber to arrive, we just sat and talked to the nurses and watched TV. Eventually Amber arrived. It was sweet, she had come prepared to be there for a LONG time... She had even brought a book to read to me. I think it was about 5 AM when she got there. We sat and talked for a while. Around 7 AM Terrilyn arrived. It really was nice having them sitting and talking while I was going through everything, and it was actually really helpful. It helped to distract me from my nervousness and anxiety about the delivery.

Around 8 AM, the nurse checked me and I was actually at 10 cm. I was surprised, because I had heard that transition phase, or 7 cm up, was the worst part of labor. It didn't phase me at all. : )

About 8 AM, they had me start pushing. They had to tell me when to push during a contraction due to the fact that the epidural was TOO effective. Michael and Amber held my legs while I pushed, and Michael helped count out the length of the push. After each pushing episode, Everyone started talking again, and truly told, I would recommend that distraction to ALL laboring moms. I hope to have that kind of distraction the next time I am in that situation. Around 8:15 AM ish, they made me stop pushing so that I could wait for the doctor to show up. That was annoying. I will make sure next time to tell the nurses that I want the doctor to be THERE before I start pushing. Anyways, the doctor finally showed up what felt like forever later, but it was only like 5 minutes later. I started pushing again, and at 8:32 AM, my beautiful beautiful son, Josua, was born. He was 6 pounds 8 ounces, and 19 inches long. He was so beautiful, and I remember how beautiful his cry was. His daddy Michael got to cut his umbilical cord, and I was able to watch. I hope I will never forget that memory.

The stupid doctor had cut me (episiostomy), so they cleaned my baby up while the doctor stitched me up. I finally got to hold him, and I remember how beautiful he was as he looked up at me. He had such beautiful dark blue eyes, and his coloring was BEAUTIFUL, not pale or splotchy like newborns normally are. He had a little bit of a cone head, but it wasn't bad.

We played pass the baby as Terrilyn took pictures with her digital camera (my camera's batteries were dead without me knowing it. I wish I had known she had her camera with her, because I would have had her take pictures of Michael cutting Josua's umbilical cord). Eventually Michael and the nurse took Josua to give him his first bath while I took a nap, as I had been awake for MANY MANY hours since I hadn't slept all night.

We spent two days in the hospital, and I got to bond with my baby. I miss being in the hospital actually, because I had help when I needed it due to healing the stitches, and the food was great.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Josua Dominic Nolan

March 3rd, 2009 - March 18th, 2009

God, Take This Child....
By Nancy Scott
Sweet child whom we never really got to know,
It’s hard for us to let you go.
We waited and we wanted you.
We had so many dreams for you.
We think of smiles we'll never see.
We think of events that will never be.
There will be no first steps and no first teeth.
There is only a void and our own grief.
We planned to take you to places far and near.
We yearned to keep you safe and free from fear.
We hoped to show you much of your new world.
We wanted to teach you as your life unfurled.
It’s hard to understand why you, our baby, died.
We feel so numb right now, many tears we’ve cried.
We have so many questions and no answers seem to come.
We tried so hard to save you; nothing could be done.
God, we stand before you broken-hearted
and ask you to heal these lives that must be parted
from this little one we can no longer hold,
who will always be a part of us, even when we're old.
God, take this child in your loving arms.
No more can he suffer any harm.
Bless him always and bless us too.
Be with us and help us to make it through.

Viewing will be at Rasmussen Mortuary Tuesday, March 24th, 2009, from 1:00 PM to 2:30 PM. Graveside Services will be held at Mt. Pleasant Cemetery, at 3:00 PM.