Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Monday's Ultrasound!

Okay, sorry that it is Wednesday now and I haven't updated, but Monday wasn't the best day. Now before you freak out, the baby is COMPLETELY healthy!

On Sunday night I just couldn't get to sleep. At all. So after like 3 or 4 hours of just laying there, I got up and went to the computer to zone out so I could sleep. I tried to go to bed again about 7 am ish (appointment wasn't until 2:30 pm), but got so sick that it just wasn't worth it to try to sleep. I kept dry heaving and coughing, and couldn't get comfy, so I just said to heck with it.

Anyways, we got to the appointment. I had them check me for a UTI which they think I have one, so I am now on meds (that are making me sick too...) to try to fix that. Then, we got to go into the ultrasound room. I climbed onto the bed, and she put the jelly on my belly. Then we started. And as we were looking at our little one, I mentioned my fears of Anacephaly (if you don't know what it is, its when the skull and brain don't form properly... its a fatal birth defect. DON'T look it up on Wikipedia if graphic pictures disturb you...) due to the fact of taking a medicine that can cause it really easily up until about 7 weeks long, just because I didn't know I was pregnant. Well, she showed us our babies little head and skull, and told us that what we were seeing we WOULDN'T see if our little one had the condition... SO, that means that our little guy or girl is okay! She went through and showed us his/her little hands and feet, the arms and legs, the spine, the internal organs (the heart looks great, and oh my gosh the relief to see that little thing just pumping away at a perfectly normal 143 beats per minute!), his/her little nose and mouth (no markers for Downs Syndrome, and no evidence of cleft lip or palate). We got to watch the little one squirm and kick a little (I drank apple juice on purpose to give our little one a sugar high, lol... but it won't hurt him or her, so its fine. : ) We got to watch the baby for 17 minutes and 26 seconds... We bought a DVD with the ultrasound recorded on it. : )

The baby was laying on his or her tummy and wouldn't roll over... the technician was afraid I would have to ask for another ultrasound on my next appointment due to the fact that she couldn't see his/her heart clearly at first, and the baby wouldn't move off its tummy... so we didn't see the gender either. But like I said, the heart looks great. We did manage to get a decent view of his/her little heart. 4 good looking chambers. So, since we didn't see the gender, we get to be surprised. : ) I don't mind. We didn't have our hearts set on finding out. We were on the fence about wanting to or not wanting to, so we decided that if the baby wanted to show off his or her assets and cooperate, then we would find out. If the baby wanted to be shy and modest, then we wouldn't find out. We figured we would let the baby dictate that, since the show will be run by him or her for at least the next 18 years, so why not? LOL : )

Anyways, whatever we are having, we are SO THRILLED that our little one is happy and healthy. We are looking forward to having a good long life with our little wiggle worm. We will probably be making the baby registry around the 24th week of gestation, which will be on November 24th and beyond. I was 20 weeks for the ultrasound, which I think was funny because it was EXACTLY when it went from week 19 to 20. But maybe that's just me. Anyways, just thought I would up date... : )

Friday, October 24, 2008

My Weekend in Nevada

Okay, so for those of you who are following this blog, or that know me pretty well in real life, you know that I am adopted. Well, this weekend my husband and I went to Nevada to meet my biological family. Larry Carlson was my biological father, but he died on May31st, 2007. Joan was the wife he left behind, and Johnny was the son they had together. We went out on Sunday, October 19th, 2008 to meet them, and Diana, Joan's mom.

Just so you know, if I say Step mom, or Grandma, then that's Joan and Diana I am talking about, respectfully.

Anyways, we get out there after a freaking 4 hour car ride where my butt was SO dead. We kept thinking we were lost, just because the town was so remote. And there is no cell phone service out there, not much past Wendover Utah, so we couldn't call to make sure we were in the right place. But eventually we got there, and found the correct place. We met Diana outside, where she showed us her little "Grandma's Hut", a little building off to the side where there used to be a hot tub. But Diana ripped all of the stuff out and made a little room for herself when she came to stay with Joan and Johnny when Larry was dying, by Larry's request. Then we went inside, and I got to meet Joan and Johnny. I was really nice to meet them. And it was kind of funny that when I took one look at Johnny and saw his eyes, I knew we were related, because he has my eyes. I have his eyes. We have Larry's eyes. And I am not the only one who noticed. Diana and Joan both noticed right away. : )

So we spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other. They told a lot of people I was there (by phone), and a lot of people were VERY pleasantly surprised. They told me how much I looked like Jessica, who is Joan's daughter from a previous marriage, which is quite interesting considering we have no DNA in common. Larry was not her father. Joan was not my mother. But somehow her daughter Jessica and I look alike (or at least that is what everyone says, lol).

In the town that they live in, Montello Nevada, the town has MAYBE 100 people in it max, and it has no Internet or cell phone service. (Supposedly its because the government suppresses the signals, due to the fact that they have an airbase out there where they experiment with top secret new airplanes and stuff, but I don't know. That's just what a town's person told us.) It is about 4 blocks long, and about 3 blocks wide. The school house in Montello is one room, and has 5 students (not including Johnny who opted for riding the bus for 45 minutes to an hour just to get to a bigger normal school in a larger city). It has one Motel, and it has one store that houses the gas station, the motel office, and the "grocery store". It also has 2 bars, which are pretty much the local hang out place for everyone. They both have kitchens where they cook stuff, and pool tables. Even the kids are allowed to hang out in them, they just aren't served alcohol. But they have cans of soda for them, and so they hang out with their parents, friends and neighbors, and play pool, drink soda, and listen to the juke box while the parents drink and smoke, and play slots.

I do have to say that it is quite a Tripp when people you have never met come up to you (drunk or sober) and start hugging you and telling you that "yes, indeed, your Larry's kid" and that they "had been waiting for me for years"... Its very hard to deny that Larry did love me, and talked about me and wanted to meet me when people (complete strangers) are coming up to me and saying it. But I didn't want to deny it, so that's all right with me. : )

We spent most of Sunday, all of Monday, and most of Tuesday there. Sunday night/Monday morning we spent in the hotel, which wasn't to bad. Yea, it wasn't the Hilton's, or the Belagio (sp?) in Vegas, but it was a decent size, and most importantly, it was clean. I wish it would have had a little fridge in it so we could have put our drinks and the grapes Mike bought me on the way there, in it. But oh well. I guess you get what you pay for. At least we didn't have to pay for it. : ) Joan rented the room for us. We had been planning on coming back Monday night, but ended up staying there overnight. Johnny slept over at his friends house so I didn't have a chance to take some pictures. So we stayed, but had to wait until he got home from school before we could take pictures. And it was 5:30 PM before he got home. Like I said, LONG bus rides. Joan cooked for us a couple times, and oh my .... She is one of the best cooks I have EVER met! Her Spaghetti was great (even if it was a little to spicy for me), and her tacos (with home made guacamole) were to DIE FOR! I was SO mad at myself for only being able to eat one. And the tomatoes she had were from a home garden, and were organically grown. Dang! They were even better than the ones we had in our garden this year!

We had a great time there, and we were very unhappy to have to come back. We were like newly weds again, and had such a great time. And we didn't fight once while we were gone. It was like a lead suit of oppression, stress, and unhappiness was taken off of us when we got there... and on our way back we put the suits back on. And the b!tch suits came back as well. We fought on the way home, but luckily we had about 3 hours and 45 minutes behind us... we were only 15 minutes from home when the fight occurred. I really think it was just because we dreaded coming back to this place so much.

I feel bad that I don't get along with my In Laws... But it is so hard to when they hate you no matter how much you do for them, and how much you "kill them with kindness". Michael is planning on trying to get a second job just so we can save up faster to try to get ourselves a new place to live, whether it be an apartment or a rented house. And then we can be free, and just be a family, with a lot less stress, and a lot more happiness. I understand its hard having extra people in your house, but... *sighs* it doesn't mean you need to treat them like $!ht... And I understand that we will have stresses of our own, but I think that when there isn't just a pall of depression and oppression hanging over us, we will do better (hell, I saw it this last weekend).

Anyways, once I can I will scan in some of the photos that Joan gave me of Larry. And also, if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. I will update more in a day or two, I'm just not feeling so well right now.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Johnny Carlson

Well, like I said in the previous post, I found my biological father the other day. He is gone, but his son, my brother, is interested in meeting me. He called me yesterday, and we talked for almost an hour on the phone. It was so nice. I almost cried because of it. I enjoyed it very much. His grandma, the mom of his mom (she isn't my biological mom), came onto the phone and warned me that Johnny inherited the "likes to talk" gene from Larry. I told her that it was perfectly all right. I was enjoying it whole heartedly. : ) Plus I told her I inherited it too. LOL

He asked me when I was going to come visit him. My hubby and I are trying to get our ducks in a row and see if it may be possible for us to make the drive out there in a little over 2 weeks (Its to Montello Nevada... about 4 hours away from me...). We are hoping it will be all right if we got out on a Sunday and then maybe stay over night in Wendover (about an hour away from Montello), and then go back to their place on Monday, and then make the drive back on Monday night, so we wont be driving 8 hours overall on one day. Plus if we do that, it will kind of incorporate the "weekend for us" that we have wanted to plan. We were thinking of in the next couple of months, before our Belly Bean is born, just paying for a hotel and spending a night or two together in SLC or something, and enjoying a relaxing time away from his family and any "requirements" or cares. We think it would be nice. Wendover would work as well.

If I am remembering correctly, I think one of my previous professors at Snow College is adopted. I think I am going to try to contact her, and see what kind of experiences she has had, and share mine with her....

I am hoping that when I meet Johnny and Joan (his mom, and Diana his grandma) they might be able to get me in touch with my "aunt" Beverly, who apparently does a lot of Genealogy. Maybe she might be able to help me find my "Blue Grandma", who is my biological grandma on my moms side. I haven't seen her since I was 5 ish. I just wanna know what happened to her, even if its the same thing as Larry. Even if I have to go visit her at her grave, it would still be nice to "see" her again. (BTW, she was my "Blue Grandma" because she always worse blue clothes, every time I saw her, so I associated the color with her. : ) Cute silly little kid -edness, but yeah, that's how it was.)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sorry, will try to play catch up:
September 2nd, 2008

I went in today for my first prenatal appointment. I called to confirm my Drs appointment, and they said my Dr was stuck in Germany! But they still got me in, and had me see the other Dr in the practice, Dr Judd. I was not to fond of him, but then again, maybe he wasn't to fond of me, especially coming in with a list of questions that was 40 + long.

They took my blood, and a urine sample, and did a pap smear (ugh, I hate those...), and we just talked to the Dr. Oh, they weighed me and took my Blood pressure. My weight was the same as my pre pregnancy weight, so it means that I had gained anything I had lost, back.

As I said, I was not to fond of Dr Judd, but he seems like a good Dr, and knowledgeable, and Michael trusts/likes him, so I will not complain. I hope my Dr is not a no show again next time though. My next appointment is the 30th.

September 13th, 2008
YAY! Michael got a job! I am so happy! He got hired at the Payson Walmart, and he will be stocking Dairy.

September 16th, 2008
Michael really seems to be liking this job, because it isn't as hard as unloading was. And he is having fun scaring little kids (not on purpose though...). There is a door behind the yogurt section, and he had it open to clean up a moldy mess of spilled yogurt. Since it was easier, he also started stocking the yogurt from the other side, where people couldn't see him. A little boy went running up to the yogurt and was exclaiming how yummy it was while reaching up for a particular yogurt, and right as he about picked it up, Michael's hand came out and grabbed the same yogurt. The little boy screamed and went running to his mommy. The mommy was laughing and trying to soothe her little one as best she could, and had to explain that it wasn't a monster, just a man putting more yogurt out. I feel bad that he got scared, but that was just SO cute! I would have paid to have seen it. Michael and I are looking forward to having to explain things like that to our little ones someday. : )

September 21st, 2008
Well, today was fun. Yesterday we went up north to do some stuff, and I got really sick. I was having really bad dizziness, and nausea, and trouble breathing. So today, after 24 hours of the symptoms not going away, after Michael got home I had him take me to the ER. My blood was perfect for oxygen saturation (100%), but they took me in anyways. The long and short of it was, I was severely dehydrated. So they gave me a bag of IV fluids, and my body just sucked them down! It was definitely a trip when I could do math in my head again because I haven't been able to do it for a while, because of the pregnancy fog. Apparently that and dehydration fog as well.

September 22nd, 2008
My FIL stated that maybe water alone isn't enough, and that maybe I need electrolytes to. He suggested drinking Gatorade or Powerade to help. I would if I could find some decent flavors. Yuck. Then later when I was talking to my friend Amber, she suggested the same thing. Apparently there is just plain water with electrolytes in it, called Smart water. Hopefully we will get to try some.

September 24th, 2008
Michale found a thing called Vitamin Water that has some electrolytes in it. He tried to buy me some, but he forgot the debit card and didn't have any cash in his pocket. But his parents ended up buying me some, and it has been helping a LOT! I feel so much better. I don't even need to drink as much in a day to get the same results! Its nice. I found out some of my problem was because lemon juice dehydrates you, and I was drinking a TON of lemonade, because it helped with the nausea, heartburn, and vomiting. So I will definitely have to watch how much I drink of it from now on.

Michael seems to really like his job still, and its good because he is connecting to some of his old HS friends. I am really glad about that. He is to isolated right now without his friends.

September 30th, 2008
Well, we went to see Dr Gordon today for my second appointment. We actually got to meet him today. The minute he walked into the room, I knew I liked him from his aura. (I don't know why, but I am picking up on auras really strongly now, for some reason.) But I was shocked when I saw him walk into the room hunched over worse than the most sad osteoporosis case I have seen. When he sat down he was okay, he could look me in the face. He revealed to us that the reason why he had been in Germany was because he had gone over there for help with his diagnosis, which is Lou Gehrig's disease. Basically, all the nerves in the body die, and after a while your nerves which help with breathing die, so people suffocate to death in the end. The disease is fatal, and death can result in as few as 3 months up to as long as 5 years. His is progressing rapidly, but not as bad as the 3 month mark. He was diagnosed in July, and its now October, but he is still well enough to handle some of the work in his practice.

They just had me pee in a cup today, and took my blood pressure (102/62)... Michael was surprised I was so low. I was in a really healthy range, so that's good. I weighed the same on their scale this time as I did last time, so I am still about 146 lbs. Which was my pre pregnancy weight. So at least I haven't lost any more. I got to talk to Dr Gordon, and he seems like a really nice guy. I really wish he could deliver my baby. He says that he isn't delivering babies right now, because he has lost so much upper body strength. He made a funny joke about even though the children come with bungee cords attached, he still didn't want to take the chance. Which I understand. He also believes in the Power of Prayer, so I am definitely praying for him. I sent an email to all my email contacts asking them to pray for him, so hopefully they will.

In Germany he said that they took out a lot of his bone marrow and separated the stem cells out, and then put the stem cells back into his spinal column (or cord? I cant remember which) to see if the cells would take and either reverse the damage all ready done, or at least slow down the damage to other areas. Like I said, I hope it works.

October 1st, 2008
Well, since I am pregnant, I have really started thinking about my past, and wanting to find my biological parents. I want to find out what happened, and about them, and about their pasts, and their health. And since that show has been on TV, the "Troy the Locator" one, about a guy who does Private investigations to find and reunite families, I have been wanting it more than ever. So Yesterday, September 30th, I did a little research, not much though. I went onto, and tried to look up any Larry Carlson's in the area of where he was last known to be living. I found a few names (not much since I couldn't afford to pay for those stupid people search websites), but decided to start there... to just call the three men on my list, and if all that happened was I narrowed down my list, so be it. Well I mentioned I was nervous to my Father In Law (FIL), and he came back and tried to help me search for criminal records to try to find him... we didn't find anything, so that was a good and bad thing, lol. Anyways, I called my mom to ask if she could give me my brothers phone number so I could call and ask him some info, without getting my mom caught in the cross fire (my dad didn't want me to find my biological dad... I think he was afraid of losing me...). I got the phone number, and called him. He gave me all the info he could. Then my parents called back... My dad had some information that my mom never knew about. He had sworn that he would never give it to me, but when my mom explained that it was so I could find out if I needed to be worried about any health stuff, and so I could forearm my baby, he caved and gave me some phone numbers. I called, and the area code had changed. I called the same number with a new area code, and got my fathers mother in law. She told me she would call me back to give me the phone number of my fathers wife Joan, and so I waited. But she didn't call me back. Joan did.

We talked a while, and its saddens me to say that I found my father, a little over a year to late. He died on May 31st, 2007. From Cancer. But I found out that after his heart attack in approximately the year 2000, he had started trying to look for me. So he still loved me. She said he talked about me a lot. She says that he still had a photo album with baby pictures of me, and pictures of my biological mom in it. Joan says that she is willing to send it to me. : ) And she wants to meet me, and she wants me to meet their son, Johnny. Who turned 13 recently. His birthday is May 27th. So its kind of cool, I am the youngest child and the oldest child all in one. : )

Joan is in Michigan right now on vacation, and when she gets back in the 10th of October, she is going to try to find the photo album, and send it to me. When I told her I was pregnant, and that if she wants to consider it that way, she will be a Grandma in March. She seems excited. : ) Also, when she gets back on the 10th, after she gets settled in I assume, she will see if she can get me in touch with some of my aunts and my uncle, my father's family. Especially my "Aunt" Beverly, who is really into genealogy. Joan thinks that MAYBE Aunt Beverly might be able to help me find my mothers side of my biological family. I hope so, cause even if all she can give me are names, if she could help me find my biological grandma on my mothers side (my "Blue" grandma), I would be so happy.

So yeah, I have had an interesting day. I am looking forward to talking again to my fathers wife Joan, and I am hoping this is legitimate, and that she actually wants to meet me. I have fears it was an act to get rid of me, but ionno. I don't want to judge like that when I don't even know this woman, who seemed SO nice, and who was under absolutely NO obligation to even talk to me, and yet she did. So Ionno. I guess I get to play the waiting game. But at least I know more now that I have ever known. And I know to be on the lookout for cancer and heart disease.