A bit of happiness...

Couple happy happenings to report...

1, I emailed the woman who took Josua's first official portrait in the hospital and told her what happened, and asked if maybe we could get a copyright release so that I could buy one of those throw rugs with his picture on it from Wal-mart... and she is more than willing to do so and will be sending us the CD disk with the photo on it, as well as a copyright release... so it will be something we will be able to do... : )

2, My boss asked me if I wanted to have the shift that she needed someone in who was reliable. Its getting busier during the day at Cold Stone, and she needs someone who can come in and get down to business to help her with what she needs done... And she asked me. It made me quite happy. I gladly accepted. Plus she will be giving me Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays off each week, so that will be a happiness and cookies type thing. ^_^

In other news, yesterday there was a bomb scare at the Home Depot that is right across the street from Wal-mart where my husband works. Apparently someone stuck some kind of box in the back of a military personnel's truck and they were afraid it was explosive... not sure why. But apparently it was fine. Thank God. But it is kind of scary when your husband texts you saying he can't leave the store because of a bomb threat.

I went to JoAnn's Fabric and Crafts store on Wednesday to buy a few things, and to say hi to my friend Dana. She told me that they had found a body by the dumpster out back. That's kind of scary. Apparently though it was an exposure death. Its been getting warmer recently, and I guess some guy thought it was okay to go to sleep outside, but it didn't turn out how he had imagined. He was 63 the report on newsminer.com said... Maybe he was homeless and drunk? Ionno, the report didn't say. Still scary though.

I love Alaska, and I love Fairbanks, but its still kind of scary to know that these things are on your door step, so to speak....

Easter weekend review

Well, its been a while since I have posted...

Life in general is happening, as it does to all.

In Late February, I got a job at Cold Stone Creamery. We tried to make it through Josua's birthday on the 3rd as best we could. The 18th was worse. I miss my son.

I decided I wanted a tattoo for myself, to memorialize my son. I am doing a lot to try to memorialize him in ways for him, such as trying to raise support for SIDS organizations for research. Someday I still plan on buying lots of the books SIDS & Infant Death Survival Guide(the book that got me through Josua's death and funeral) and getting them into hospitals to help others who are grieving... But I needed something for me. So, I decided on a tattoo. I went onto Deviant Art and was looking at tattoo's to see if I could find something I liked, so that I could try to commission someone to do a tattoo for me... But then within the first page of searching under the "tattoo" search term, was a gorgeous picture of a heart with a lotus and angel wings. I was in love. I knew it was what I wanted. So, I started saving up my tips from Cold stone, and saved and saved.

Saturday, I was able to get my tattoo started. Its far from finished. I still need to have the line work heal, and in a month or so I will be heading back for the color, and the text, with my sons name and the dates... 03-03-2009 and 03-18-2009 in banners... Im looking forward to its completion. Im not sure I will get any more after that one, but we shall see. It hurt. A lot. But I made it through. My son is worth it.

I miss him....

Its so hard to see my friends on Facebook right now, all announcing pregnancies or births of highly anticipated children... And yet like a typical me, I still go through and read these posts, hanging off them and congratulating my friends... all the while its killing me inside. Watching the link to the NBC? segment on another womans blog about her son and his miraculous recover had me sobbing. Yes, deep inside I know that there was a reason why my son was taken and not returned like little baby B was... I know it was to teach us somethings that we needed to know... but why couldn't have something else happened to teach us those things? I think we would have learned even if we had been given our son back... why can't we have him? Why can't I get pregnant again? I... *sighs* Im trying to pull myself together right now, but its oh so hard. I want to be a mommy. I want to be a mommy for MY SON. But I failed him... And I will have to live with that for the rest of my days...

I think I am need of something entirely fattening and not so good for me... brownies it is....